Is Doug Militzer an Idiot? 

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I’m glad there isn’t a whole lot of Doug Militzer’s out there, and I’m glad his internet profile is so minimal and weak, because now we can measure the speed of Google’s respect for this blog with how quickly this post becomes Doug Militzer’s defining internet moment.

I know, I know, you all thought I’d outgrown using my blog in this way, but, I’m afraid you are mistaken - and I know in one way, that’s why a lot of your keep an eye on it because sooner or later, you know I’m going to need to vent. And to be honest, I’ve refrained from venting quite a bit recently in a half-hearted turn the other cheek approach, that has yielded some fruit, but hasn’t extinguished 

So let’s talk about Doug Militzer without his permission, just like he is talking about my family without permission.  

Some background - 8 days ago I lost a good friend from a construction accident.  He was killed instantly when struck by a steel beam he was assembling.  It was not one of our job sites, it was a home he was erecting in Glen Spey NY.  So it’s traumatic - to the most extreme degree.  But there’s more - he was my ex-wife’s partner of 13 years, and was a father figure to my son since my son was 2 yrs old - my son lives/lived with him 50% of the time.  So its trauma, and it’s super complicated because my ex and her partner didn’t get around to setting up all the tools you would need in a situation like this.  I don’t think any of us in the immediate circle have ever had someone leave us so fast - here for lunch, never here again.

So we are grieving, managing the situation which is super tough since they weren’t married, and my ex and I used to co-parent in the most model fashion but that digressed a few years ago.  It’s a mess, from every angle.  Literally hard to imagine a worse situation.

So this guy Doug Militzer who I guess my ex knows from the Burn the Ships CrossFit gym in Port Jervis of which is a primary social network for her, posts this gofundme account.  He does it without checking with her - she’s a super private person.  He posts pictures of my son.  He talks in a Charles Dickens tone of orphanages, homelessness and food on the table.  More or less takes their private grief and puts it out there without checking with anyone.  PICTURES OF MY SON.

So, because John is so well-loved they raise on the back of this fictitious and exaggerated story $40k in 3 days, and probably could raise another $100k - a monkey could raise it, Militzer didn’t do anything special.  John’s life was lived well and lived fully, locally. People know him. It’s a tragedy.

So I’m really taken aback when a friend shows me the gofundme, not because it’s not great for my ex, but because in this small community, it infers that somehow my son is at risk of financial or shelter distress, which is and was never in question.  And for anyone with a brain which Doug Militzer clearly lacks, would make sure this is ok'ed by family and by ALL parents. And anyone who reads it, the immediate question is ‘where’s Chuck in this if his son is at risk?”  It’s a serious insult, and 2, how can you honestly raise money on the back of a millionaire kid who has travelled the world and has mostly only lounged on the seats in the front of the plane.

So I reach out to him, I reach out to his co-organizer Amy Miller of Early Bird Cookery in Callicoon, and explain that I’m hurt/offended/insulted that my son is being used as a pawn to raise money for his mom.  And this fucking guy Doug Militzer doesn’t even have the courtesy to call me back - what he has been doing though, is changing the narrative of the gofundme account to walk back the extreme widow/orphan approach (a little too late since the money was raised before he changed it) and is now in his latest edit/draft calling John my son’s ‘surrogate’ father, which is defined as “A man who takes care of a child when the biological father isn’t unavailable”.  I mean, how long did he search for the most offensive word he could insert? I mean, what kind of person doesn't immediately take action when he realizes the unintended consequences of their actions? Amy Miller of all people understands the safety net that my son has against ALL eventualities, because as a responsible adult, I think these things through and sacrifice a lot in order to put things in place.

So, Doug Militzer - you’re an idiot.  You’re clueless, you’re cruel, you’re arrogant.  I’m sure you see yourself as a hero here, but to me, a person grieving over a friend, greatly concerned for my ex-wife, and worried to death for my son’s mental health, your're the worst. So really, Doug Militzer, Fuck you.  You are the worst type of person that walks this earth. And I actually hope we don't run into each other now that see what you look like, because my rage is real. My guess, because this will impact HIM, he will now take action, like only the inward looking SOB who would engage in this type of mis-timed pile-on trauma would do.

To my Good Friend John. We love you.

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Until our close friendship ended as collateral damage from a declining relationship with my ex, we were besties. Golfing, skiing, biking, hiking, all over the country. Enjoyed raising my son with him, trusted him as a role model for Lucas. His first death for me was when my ex cut off the relationship - so as much as anything, this reminds me of that painful period, a deja vu of sorts. Trips included yearly sojourns to Stowe/Killington, Big Sky, Powder Mountain, Miami. western NY for a covid golfing trip, and a ton of others. He was always a good travel mate - always low drama, never disappointed, and a good sport.

An obit I wrote for him sums it up well-